I learned one lesson from this week’s premiere episode of The Bachelor: Brad Womack after THREE YEARS of therapy. I learned that slapping a dude is ok. It’s not only ok… it’s “hot”. Look out, David! When one of two, yes TWO, Chantelles stepped out of the limo and nailed Brad’s chiseled perfectly calculated stubble ridden face… I WAS SHOCKED! I know they warned us during each and every commercial break that this would, in fact, be THE MOST SHOCKING BACHELOR EPISODE E-V-E-R, but they say that every time, don’t they? I simply wasn’t prepared.
I also was not prepared for the following:
– A “model” with canines sharpened into vampire fangs.
– Brad thinking that said “model” with canines sharpened into vampire fangs was “mysterious” and “hot”.
– A new hit performed by Seal as seen in the season previews. Wait… Kissed by a Rose isn’t a new hit? Man. 1994 feels like it was just yesterday…
– A surprise ambush by the two women that Brad left at the altar. I really thought ABC was just going to let that go.
– ABC showing the lead up to said ambush twice; once before commercial break and then again after commercial break — in case you forgot.
– Scenes of Brad working out… hard.
– Scenes of Brad’s quivering pectoral muscles.
– A guest appearance from Brad’s therapist. So professional.
– Upcoming scenes of Brad in limbo — complete with deep breathing, crying, contemplative looks whilst looking at the ocean, knuckle cracking, and more working out.
– More warnings that this will be the most shocking season finale yet.
I think it’s safe to say that I’ve got at least two hours of my week completely planned for the quite a while.
What a nerd.
Peace, love, and patchouli –
Portland Pollyanna
Portland Pollyanna 
First of all, you’re welcome. Also, one is Chantal and the other is Shawntel- so they are like completely different. Ahhh- it’s going to be such a terrific season!! I like forward to more of your takes on the show.