Things I Would Have Said Out Loud If I Watched “The Bachelor” With my Mom.

Millions of comments run through my head while watching “The Bachelor”.  If I were with my mom, I would say these comments out loud.  Since I was sitting in bed with headphones on, I chose to write out my comments instead.

*Note: In addition, I would refrain from saying these things out loud if I were watching “The Bachelor” with my friend Dee.  She would violently “shoosh” me.

These are the things I would have said out loud if I watched “The Bachelor” with my mom:

1.  It was incredibly irresponsible to put those maniacs on a plane together.

2. What exactly does “Sonomafied” mean?

3.  Courtney is not a model.  She is a neanderthal.  That brow ridge is somethin’ else.

4. I want to hate all of these women because it is simply more fun to watch that way.  It’s tough to hate Kacie.  I take it back… I hate Kacie because she spells her name K-A-C-I-E.

5. Casey S?  There’s always someone in the group that goes completely unnoticed.  They leave you saying “who now!?”  Casey S. fits that role this season.  If you need a way to remember her, just remember that she’s the Casey that spells her name like a sane human being.

6. Ben looks like one of my students as a grown up.  I’m having a very hard time with this…

7. Blakeley… is “very blessed” AND has huge choppers.

8. “My cheeks hurt from all of the laughing.” – Courtney.  You weren’t laughing, Courtney.  Robots don’t laugh.

9. Casey S?  Who now!?

10. “I can’t even hear what these girls are saying, but I know that all they’re doing is bitchin’.” – David as he looks over my shoulder.

11. “These girls look tired.  Maybe it’s the HD?” – David (I was watching on my laptop… not exactly HD.)

12. Jenna would like to “forget this ever happened.”  Not a chance, Jenna.  Not. A. Chance.

Peace, love, and patchouli –
Portland Pollyanna



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One Response to Things I Would Have Said Out Loud If I Watched “The Bachelor” With my Mom.

  1. Jen B says:

    You know what I would like? Watching with you, your mom AND David. What a nice group dynamic!

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