Lime Kitty to Brandon Teena. Either Way it’s NOT Good.

I’ve had terrible luck with my hair since moving to Portland.  In fact, the first haircut that I got here took my hair from shoulder length to pixie.  I was not pleased.  I have been to roughly six different stylists and all of them have been shitty.  I’ve disliked every haircut since September.

A few weeks ago I went to get a haircut and explained to the stylist that I was attempting to grow my hair out.  She instantly clammed up and cut roughly one centimeter off of my head.  I was left with a overgrown and box-like haircut comparable to Lime Kitty’s famous locks.

With an appearance as a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding just a week away,  I knew that I needed to do something about my bowl cut.

So, I tried ANOTHER new stylist.  This time I decided to save my pretty pennies and go to a cheaper hair salon called “Bishops”.  I figured that I would be at least mildly disappointed and I would much rather spend $20 instead of $40 to be completely pissed off.

Listen closely, friends, for I am about to teach you one of life’s most valuable lessons:

Always… ALWAYS wear your contacts to get your hair cut if you are blind as a bat.  

I made the rookie mistake of wearing my glasses to my appointment.  I removed my glasses and ignorantly looked around blindly for twenty minutes, assuming that my stylist was following my strict instructions.  Upon placing my glasses back on my nose, I no longer saw myself in the mirror.  In fact, I was star struck.  Looking back at me was the reflection of Brandon Teena played by Hilary Swank in “Boys Don’t Cry.”

Unfortunately I also have Hilary Swank’s man-ish bone structure. Lucky us.

None of this would have happened if I had been wearing my contacts.  I could have stopped her before she sheared me to a point of no return.

I wonder what Brandon Teena would look like in a bridesmaid dress…

You live, you learn.

Peace, love, and patchouli-

Portland Pollyanna

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One Response to Lime Kitty to Brandon Teena. Either Way it’s NOT Good.

  1. caitlin says:

    i have sworn off haircuts!!!

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