I’ve had terrible luck with my hair since moving to Portland. In fact, the first haircut that I got here took my hair from shoulder length to pixie. I was not pleased. I have been to roughly six different stylists and all of them have been shitty. I’ve disliked every haircut since September.
A few weeks ago I went to get a haircut and explained to the stylist that I was attempting to grow my hair out. She instantly clammed up and cut roughly one centimeter off of my head. I was left with a overgrown and box-like haircut comparable to Lime Kitty’s famous locks.
So, I tried ANOTHER new stylist. This time I decided to save my pretty pennies and go to a cheaper hair salon called “Bishops”. I figured that I would be at least mildly disappointed and I would much rather spend $20 instead of $40 to be completely pissed off.
Listen closely, friends, for I am about to teach you one of life’s most valuable lessons:
Always… ALWAYS wear your contacts to get your hair cut if you are blind as a bat.
I made the rookie mistake of wearing my glasses to my appointment. I removed my glasses and ignorantly looked around blindly for twenty minutes, assuming that my stylist was following my strict instructions. Upon placing my glasses back on my nose, I no longer saw myself in the mirror. In fact, I was star struck. Looking back at me was the reflection of Brandon Teena played by Hilary Swank in “Boys Don’t Cry.”
None of this would have happened if I had been wearing my contacts. I could have stopped her before she sheared me to a point of no return.
I wonder what Brandon Teena would look like in a bridesmaid dress…
You live, you learn.
Peace, love, and patchouli-